The Body Keeps the Score: What Bessle van der Kolk Teaches Us About Trauma, the Nervous System and Neurofeedback
- Carlie Byrom
- May 12
- 4 min read
About a month ago, I attended the live Sydney workshop with trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score.
It was a full day immersed in conversations about trauma, PTSD, the nervous system and healing.
But one statement in particular has stayed with me ever since.
Dr Bessel van der Kolk explained that trauma and PTSD are often stored in parts of the brain that cannot always be fully accessed through talk therapy alone.
That deeply resonated with me.
Not because talk therapy isn’t valuable — it absolutely is. As a counsellor, I know how powerful it can be for people to feel heard, supported and understood.
But I also know this:
People can talk about something for years and still feel stuck in the same emotional reactions, body responses or survival patterns.
Sometimes people don’t even fully understand why they react the way they do.
Because trauma isn’t always just a story we consciously remember.
Sometimes it’s a nervous system response the body learned long before the mind could make sense of it.
The Body Often Speaks Before We Understand Why
One of the things I see often — both personally and professionally — is people becoming frustrated with themselves because their reactions “don’t make sense.”
But when you begin viewing things through a nervous system lens, those reactions often make perfect sense.
For example:
A child may become intensely upset over something that appears small on the surface — refusing a bath, melting down over dirty clothes, becoming distressed by certain textures or reacting strongly to transitions.
Adults around them may assume it’s behavioural.
But underneath, the child’s nervous system may actually be experiencing overwhelm, sensory discomfort or a feeling of unsafety before they even have the words to explain it.
Or an adult may notice:
sweaty palms before a conversation
a racing heart during conflict
tension in their chest when receiving a text message
exhaustion after social interactions
feeling constantly “on edge”
sudden irritation that seems to come from nowhere
shutting down emotionally during stress
Logically, they may tell themselves:
“I’m fine.
“This shouldn’t bother me.”
“Why am I reacting like this?”
But the body is already responding before conscious thought catches up.
The nervous system has recognised something familiar.
This is one of the reasons The Body Keeps the Score became such an important book for so many people.
It helped bring mainstream awareness to the idea that trauma is not only psychological — it is physiological.
The body carries experiences. The nervous system adapts to survive them. And often those adaptations continue long after the original danger has passed.
When Survival Becomes the Default Setting
The human nervous system is incredibly intelligent.
It is constantly scanning for safety, danger, stress and familiarity.
When someone experiences chronic stress, trauma, unpredictability or overwhelm, the nervous system adapts in order to protect them.
That adaptation may look like:
hypervigilance
anxiety
emotional shutdown
people pleasing
irritability
panic responses
difficulty sleeping
difficulty relaxing
feeling disconnected or numb
constantly needing to stay busy
feeling unsafe even when life appears “fine”
These responses are not signs that someone is broken.
Often they are signs that the nervous system has spent a long time trying to survive.
And while insight and understanding are incredibly important, sometimes the body also needs support in learning that it no longer has to stay in survival mode.
Why I’m Passionate About Neurofeedback
This is one of the reasons I became so passionate about Neurofeedback and nervous system regulation.
At Life Brain Training, I use the NeurOptimal® Neurofeedback system as a gentle, non-invasive support for the nervous system for the whole family - no matter what age.
Unlike traditional talk therapy, Neurofeedback does not require someone to repeatedly revisit painful memories or explain every detail of what they’ve experienced.
Instead, it works by giving the brain real-time information about itself, supporting the nervous system to become more flexible, adaptive and regulated over time.
Many people describe feeling:
calmer
clearer mentally
less reactive
emotionally steadier
better able to cope with stress
more present
more rested
more like themselves again
Importantly, I do not see Neurofeedback as a replacement for counselling or therapy.
I see it as something that can work beautifully alongside it.
For some people, counselling provides the space to process experiences emotionally and cognitively.
For others, Neurofeedback helps create enough nervous system regulation and internal safety for deeper therapeutic work to feel more manageable.
Sometimes people need both the understanding and the regulation.
Healing Is Not Always About Talking More
One of the biggest things I took away from hearing Bessel van der Kolk speak in Sydney was this:
Healing is not always about analysing the story more deeply.
Sometimes healing begins when the nervous system finally feels safe enough to stop surviving.
That doesn’t mean we stop talking.It doesn’t mean therapy isn’t valuable.And it certainly doesn’t mean people should avoid emotional processing.
But it does mean we begin recognising that healing can happen through more than words alone.
Sometimes the body has been carrying the story long before the mind can fully explain it.
Exploring Nervous System Support
If you’ve read The Body Keeps the Score and found yourself wondering whether your own nervous system may still be carrying stress, overwhelm or survival responses, you are not alone.
At Life Brain Training, I offer:
nervous system focused support for adults and children
Whether you are looking for in-office sessions or the flexibility of home Neurofeedback rentals, my goal is always the same: to create a safe, supportive space where the nervous system has the opportunity to settle, regulate and reconnect.
Because sometimes healing starts not when we push harder…
but when the body finally feels safe enough to exhale.
If you’re curious about Neurofeedback and would like to learn more, you’re welcome to explore the links throughout this article or reach out directly.
Whether you’re considering an in-office NeurOptimal session or a home rental, sometimes it helps to simply talk things through with a real person first.
You’re welcome to call or message Carlie on +61 404 091 510 for a no-pressure conversation about whether Neurofeedback may feel like the right fit for you.
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